Gabrielle's Life and Writings

Gabrielle Lawson, writer of Fanfiction. I will use this space to keep a journal about my writing, the progress I'm making, stories I'm working on, writer's blocks I'm having, our adoption process and progress and just life in general.

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Location: Missouri, United States

I'm multifaceted and highly educated. I have a BA in History and an MA in Museum Studies. But I couldn't make a living in a museum, so my hobby--computers--became my living. I'm now a charter member Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician. I aspire to be a professional writer and/or poet. I am a Christian and have been living by His grace for the last four years or so, despite the MegaStress and now the GigaStress. He keeps me going, and displays His glory still, in my life.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Home, Home on the Range...


Sorry, couldn't think of a good title. That song just went into my head when I tried to think of one.

But I am home, so I suppose it fits. I had a good weekend (with the exception of computers) at Windemere and our church family camp. Canoeing, paddleboating, swimming, etc. Even a tornado warning spent in a cave. It was fun and more of a resort than a campground. We stayed in a hotel.

Why the exception of computer? Because the laptop I took with me didn't want to connect to the internet. This was partly the fault of the phone line, which I discovered was super staticy and partly the fault of spyware monkeying with the computer. And of course, I could do nothing about either of those while I was away. Then to top it all off, my Clie hard reset itself. Wiped all my data off. I did have a backup from April 10th so I at least got my programs back, but I had to wait until I got home to get most of the data back.

Interesting developments with my birth-family. Sister #1 and Sister #2 (I can't remember which was which anymore. So let's just rename them based on birth order--which means I'm #2 and the one who lived with me is #4)... So Sister #1 and Sister #4 were at a bithday party for my nephew (Sister #3's kid--and actually Brother #5 and Sister #6 were there as well, and Mother) and Sister #1 actually said hi to me. Sister #4 acknowledged my existence by making a comment to Sister #6 about me (not a bad thing either). Why this sudden change?

It's really just par for the course if you know my family. Let's pretend nothing ever happened, shall we? Is that really repentance? No. Is it better than open hostility. Yes. Am I going to call Sister #1 up to chat about the DVD release of Return of the King? No. Because it isn't repentance. It's just more dysfunction. It's not change.


Change would mean a realization that they were wrong. It's possible Sister #1 does realize that. Sister #4 is no longer living with her for reasons I don't know. Could be she was feeling the life being sucked out of her like I was.

But change would also mean an acknowledgment that she was wrong. Real repentance would be a change in thinking, a turning around from it. It would mean Sister #1 comes to me and says "I'm sorry about the way things happened with that whole Sister #4 mess. I can see now that I was enabling her. She owes me $x right now. And now Mother is doing the enabling."

That would be a start. I'd suggest to her to read the book I read. Maybe we'd have a talk with Pastor Joe. Maybe we'd start to be friends again. I'm not holding my breath. I need more dysfunction like I need a hole in the head. Repentance first, then relationship.

As for Sister #4, no dice in any direction just on the basis of that comment.

Mother? Not a word. The only thing she's said to me since her rejection e-mail is that I could come get the computer the kids no longer need (I bought it for them quite awhile ago). I did that. She didn't so much as acknowledge my presence. I didn't let it bother me. If they were thinking I'm sitting over at my house all alone and miserable because they won't talk to me, well, they're wrong.

I'm a happy person since that talk with Pastor Joe. I have a wonderful new mom, and a new little brother (13 years old) and more relationships with people from church (slow starting, but starting at least).

Oh, another thing about that weekend...We went to Osage Beach afterward. It's a huge Outlet place withhuge sales that weekend. I hoped to find a set of nice dishes to replace the set that was stolen from my hope chest. And I did. There were fancier sets that were still too expensive. but Oneida did have a nice set (gold-rimmed at least) for 34.99. It's a 49-piece set! So that is my new hope chest set. I also couldn't resist a silver-plated cocktail tray for $12.50. They had a lot of silver stuff half-off. I limitted myself to only one. And part of all that was paid for by my SBC gift card I got for switching back to them.

And now the burning question...."Did I write?"

Yes. Two whole paragraphs. I was just starting the third when the Clie froze. In the reseting (like a reboot), it did a hard reset with no warning. Fortunately what I'd already written was saved on the Memory Stick. I didn't lose a word. I just didn't gain much either.

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