Gabrielle's Life and Writings

Gabrielle Lawson, writer of Fanfiction. I will use this space to keep a journal about my writing, the progress I'm making, stories I'm working on, writer's blocks I'm having, our adoption process and progress and just life in general.

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Location: Missouri, United States

I'm multifaceted and highly educated. I have a BA in History and an MA in Museum Studies. But I couldn't make a living in a museum, so my hobby--computers--became my living. I'm now a charter member Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician. I aspire to be a professional writer and/or poet. I am a Christian and have been living by His grace for the last four years or so, despite the MegaStress and now the GigaStress. He keeps me going, and displays His glory still, in my life.

Monday, February 02, 2004

Oh, and about the sister stuff....


Okay, which was Sister 1 and which was Sister 2? Hmmm... Let's go with Sister 1 as the one who lived with me and Sister 2 as the other sister. Well, I haven't heard from Sister 2 in quite awhile, even after I left a message asking if she wanted my couch. See? Offering her my extra couch is good evidence of my cold and incompassionate nature, huh? As for sister 1, I want nothing to do with her once she gets her things out of my garage. She is hateful, hurtful, ungrateful, selfish, contemptuous, illogical, irresponsible, and immature. I refused to be abused by her anymore. Her things are in the garage and she needs to have all of it out by the 28th.

And even more fun, my mom chewed me out again. She told me she didn't want to talk about the money Sister 1 owed me as I wouldn't like what she had to say. This was after I asked where I could buy a futon for under $200. She asked what I would do with Sister 1's futon. I said nothing. I'd offered to buy it from Sister 1 but she didn't want to sell it. I offered to buy it so that 1) I'd have something for future boarders to sleep on, 2) so that she wouldn't have to take it apart to move it, and 3) to reduce her debt to me. Again, evidence of my cold and incompassionate nature. If you don't see the sarcasm in that, I'm going to guess that your my mom or Sister 2. After saying she didn't want to talk about the money, which I said "fine" to, she proceeded to bombast me about how Sister 1 couldn't have gotten her stuff the last two weekends because of the weather. I didn't bother to tell her that there were plenty of very nice weekends before that or that Sister 1 was given 30 days from November 28th to move out and is now 35 days past due! She then went on to say that if I made Sister 1 pay rent for December and January (I did for Dec, and prorated January for the 1-12 as she did get one load of her stuff that day), she would make me pay for when my stuff was at her house.

On the rational side, I know this is ridiculous. The law states that if she doesn't take her belongings, she hasn't vacated, thus she is still responsible for rent and utilities. The law, however, does not state that my mother can retroactively charge me rent when 1) we had no such arrangement when my stuff was there, 2) my stuff is no longer there, and 3) when she told me I had to have it out by a specific date, I did have it out.

On the emotional side, it hurts. A lot.

Notice a double-standard anywhere in this? When I tried to tell my mom that legally, Sister 1, owes me rent, she interrupted me, then abruptly said "Bye" and hung up on me. Now, she got onto me for when I hung up on her last time. She expected me to have my things out by the day she said. She doesn't expect Sister 1 to have to do the same when I said, not even when I gave Sister 1 30 days to do it. And there was no "I still love you" this time. Not even a "love ya". I don't think I would have believed her if she had said that. It wouldn't be the first time.

They are up-side-down. In their twisted world, good is bad and bad is good, lies are truth and the truth is a lie, and what is right for them is wrong for me. Everything is wrong for me. I probably breathe wrong. I'm a pariah, the evil one, the black sheep of the family. Upside down. I'm tired of their upside down-ness. I'm tired of their scorn, their criticism, their opinions, their selective memories, their partiality that always comes down on the side opposite me, and never in the middle. I'm tired of the hurt. I'm tired of not being loved. I'm tired of being held to a separate standard. I'm tired of them.

I don't want them anymore. I don't need them anymore. I never did. I need abuse like I need a hole in the head. God doesn't make mistakes, but sometimes we can't see the reasons He has. I can't see the reason I was put in this family to start with.

I'm done. God gets the money Sister 1 owed me. Once her stuff is out of my house, she is out of my life, and with her go Sister 2 and the one who was supposed to be my mother. She apparently failed to read the job description anyway.

You may wonder why I'd put this in my Blog this way. I'm not worried. They'll never read it. That would actually require an interest in my life. Am I bitter? Yes, tonight I am. My Al-Anon sponser once gave me this tool: Bitterness is like taking a poison and expecting the other person to die. It's a good tool. I'll try and use it. Right now the hurt is too fresh.

So now, let's leave the depressing behind and say that I've got a boarder. Roommate 1 will be moving in on Friday. She used to have big cats. I mean BIG CATS: panthers and a tiger! I think it will be interesting having her here.

My friend and I painted one 1 1/2 walls in the basement this weekend and I bought a space heater for it. It's warming up down there. I'll need another gallon to finish it, but it's very expensive paint and will have to wait until I have more money.

Now, after all that writing and home improvement activities, I've got to clean my house.

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